Looking Back
by Mariko Azrael
Summary: Yet another Daikeru story with Takeru angsting. If you like sappy shonen-ai stories, you might enjoy this.


  


  


Looking back on it, I guess I could've handled the situation better. He was at his most vulnerable that night, and I just stood there, looking as if my jaw was about to fall off. But hey, cut me some slack! I had thought it would be an average evening at my average home. Mom and dad were still at work, and Jun had **somehow** convinced Yamato to let her be a roadie as his band toured Japan. I was alone, with the exceptions of the television, and Chibimon, who had fallen asleep on my lap. So when the doorbell rang, I figured it was one of my parents home early. 

So maybe now you can understand my surprise when I saw Takaishi Takeru, the strongest person I knew, standing there, shivering even though it was a warm night. His eyes were red from crying, and I could tell he would start crying again pretty soon. "Um...can I come in?" His voice, which usually was so strong and warm now was no louder than a whisper. He looked up at me, his eyes speaking volumes. Please, God please let me stay here...just for a little while...

"...Yeah. Come on in." I still couldn't shake off my dumbfoundment. The boy I thought couldn't be broken now looked like the sad-eyed china doll I accidentally shattered when I was little. As he entered, I could see his face clearly in the better light. Cheeks flushed, hair tousled, something had obviously happened to him. And I wasn't entirely certain I wanted to know what had happened.

Well, like it or not, you're gonna find out what it is. You're gonna find out and fix it. After all, you owe it to him. You love him...

Sorry. Guess I should've mentioned that before. I love Takeru. Eternally, hopelessly, would die for him in an instant. He doesn't know, of course. He still thinks I'm crazy over Hikari. Which I am, sort of. I mean, she's beautiful and cares for other people, but has enough of a mischievous streak to keep her from being a preteen martyr. But Takeru...I thought I knew what love meant with Hikari, but my whole world was turned upside down when I met Takeru. How can I put this into words...he shines, and I'm drawn to that like a moth is to a flame. That, and he's **really** cute. I mean, even when I thought I hated him, I could feel myself being pulled to him by unseen forces...hey, does any of this make any sense? Of course not, it doesn't make any sense to me. **Now** do you see why I wanted to leave this part out?!

Now, where was I? Oh yeah. The love of my life was having a breakdown. As soon as I locked the door, he collapsed on the couch, crying so hard that his entire body shook from the sobs. My brain started working again as I ran over to him, holding him, trying to keep him from shaking. "Takeru...please! Ya gotta tell me what's wrong!"

But my words went unheard. He kept saying over and over, "Oh god oh god oh god ohgodohgodohgodhogod..." He would occasionally blurt out something like, "I'm sick," or "I wanna die," and then resume his chant again.

Realizing that gentle persuasion wasn't going to work, I decided to try being more assertive. "*Takeru!* If you keep this up, you're gonna---"

I was interrupted as he involuntarily leaned forward, and the contents of his stomach landed on my shirt. "Sorry," was the murmured response.

  


As I pulled a clean shirt over my head, I noticed that Chibimon was now perched on my pillow, still asleep. I guessed that when he saw what was happening, he figured it would be best to make a quiet exit, and let the humans solve the problem.

I hate to admit it, but I really envied him at that moment. I wished I didn't have to see Takeru like that. Not because I'm mean or anything, I just don't want to see him hurt. Ever. It's not the most mature idea ever, but then again, I'm not known for my maturity.

As I walked into the living room, I saw him sitting on the couch, staring blankly at the television. Even though he had rinsed his mouth and washed his face, he still looked like a mess. His eyes gave it away. That's probably what I love most about him. He won't say anything, but you tell exactly what he's thinking by looking into his eyes. When I looked at him, I could've swore I heard his voice in my head. Please, someone...help me...

"What are you looking at?" was what Takeru actually said. It was the first thing he had said since he had thrown up. The voice was no louder than a whisper, and the tone was dull, almost dead.

It was the worse possible moment for me to blush, but I could my face go red. "Uh—well, y'see...I figured that you've been through a lot, and maybe...you were a little hungry?" 

"Yeah, thanks" The voice had some of its life back now. Determined not to mess up the situation any further, I made a beeline to the kitchen to make a quick survey of what was in the fridge. Let's see, leftover noodles? I think not...chips? Nah, don't think he likes junk food...here we go! Apples! That's safe enough! I originally meant to take only two, but decided to take four, just in case. I carried three in my arms, and the fourth in my mouth, figuring I would eat that one first.

"Hope you like apples," is what I meant to say, but it came out sounding like, "Mofrooikeapls." I felt a small thrill go through me as the corners of his mouth turned upward into what could be interpreted as a grin. I made him feel better! Okay, so I had to look like an idiot to do it, but a victory is a victory. But that thrill died a quick death as the smile disappeared from his face, and he began to eat numbly. Unable to take it anymore, I sat next to him on the couch, polishing my apple on my shirt. "So...you wanna tell me what's wrong?"

He got up quickly, eyes closed shut, but not before I saw tears brimming in them again. "Sorry, I got carried away. I better go now, thanks." He spoke just as quickly, to the point where I could hardly understand what he was saying.

"No!" I grabbed his wrist. He looked at me, mildly surprised. He must have still thought I hated him. Boy, if he only knew... This time however, I didn't act flustered or air headed at all. "I'm not letting you leave until I know you're gonna be all right."

He stared at me dully for a moment...and then sat down. "Fine, whatever." I could tell he was angry at me, but I was willing to deal with that. "So...what do you want to know?"

"Well...what happened to you tonight? I mean, you were normal at school today, but now..." Okay. That wasn't the brightest thing I could've said, but as you can probably tell by now, I have trouble putting my thoughts into words.

"It's stupid." Not wanting to look at me, Takeru turned his attention to one of the many throw pillows on the couch. "I came home from school today, and the first thing I heard was her arguing with dad on the phone."

I stared at the back of his head, since he still had his back turned to me. "Was it a really bad fight?" I went over that question in my head several times until I made sure it didn't sound stupid. I was **not** going to mess this up. Not with Takeru at stake.

He nodded slowly. "Some of the things she said...they've fought before, but I couldn't believe some of the things she said to him. I couldn't hear excactly what dad was saying, but he sounded so angry..."

"What did you do?"

He looked at me, and for a second there I was lost in those sad blue eyes. "I could feel myself getting more and more angry, until I finally snapped and yelled at them. I didn't actually say anything, I just...yelled at the top of my lungs, and then ran out." He looked at the floor listlessly. "Mom tried to stop me, of course, but by then I was out of the building."

I worked up enough courage to ask the question I've been itching to ask since he came here. "Why did you decide to come here?"

He allowed himself a shadow of a smile again. "You remind me of Yama."

"R-really?!"

"Uh-huh. When I was little, and our parents would fight, he would hold me until I cried myself to sleep. He wouldn't try to cheer me up, or tell me how to fix the problem. He would just comfort me until I knew everything would be all right. And somehow, Daisuke...I knew you were the same way. I knew you would be the only person who would just let me cry until I felt better."

"Oh...'kay." It was a blunt answer, but a lot was going through my mind. So he thinks of me as his brother? Well, I can live with that...I guess.

"Uh...Daisuke?" His face was red again, but this time it wasn't from crying. My stomach did a flip-flop as I realized that I had never let go of Takeru's wrist. Sure enough, when I looked down on the couch, I saw my hand unconsciously holding his. Crap! He knows! He knows...

Then I noticed that Takeru didn't look angry, shocked, or even surprised. He looked...pleased. Then I could feel myself leaning down towards him. I tried to stop myself, but then I noticed that he was pulling me down by my collar. I didn't resist as our lips met. I felt him wrap his arms around my neck, as I ran my hand through his messy blond hair. I let my lips part slightly, and could feel myself melt as he slipped his tongue inside...

Suddenly, we both broke apart from each other, trying to catch our breath. I noticed that Takeru wasn't looking at me. His face was buried in my chest, his hands clinging onto my shirt for dear life. I suddenly felt terrible. "God, Takeru, I'm sorry! I'm so sorry. I really shouldn't have done that! Sure, you helped, but...can you forgive me?"

He looked up at me, and I no longer saw the broken child. Instead I saw Takeru, my Takeru. "Could we do that again?" he asked teasingly.

"Really?! Aw, geez...wow, uh, I dunno know..." I finally gave up trying to answer, but instead pressed my lips against his as I wrapped my arms around his body.

Looking back on it, I guess I could've handled the situation better.

But in all fairness, I'm perfectly content with the way it turned out.


End file.
